Surrender

So last week, after I told God I would be obedient without expecting any benefits for me, I wrestled the rest of the week with how to live that out. I kept asking what I was supposed to do, as if I could make a list and check it off! At BRCC Sunday morning, Jeremy’s message was just what I needed to hear, but after he was done and we were singing Revelation Song, God spoke to me again. Not the big booming voice, but the still, small one. I was really just all out praising and worshiping Him throughout the song, and He said “That’s what I want from you. Worship me with your whole body.” And I just became dumbstruck, like “duh!” and I said “Oh, ok I get it now.” Simple, right? I was still trying to make it about me and what I could do, and all He really wants from me is to surrender it all. Daily. And obviously, daily surrender is not something I can check off my to-do list. I could get all caught up in "what does daily surrender look like" but I know I don't need to agonize over that one. Trust in the Lord with all my heart, and He will direct my paths.

Addicted

There's lot of stuff in life that people become addicted to. I bet the first ones that come to your mind are drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes. But dig a little deeper. What about TV, books, coffee, food, relationships, other people? We've all heard it before in church- that anything that we put before God is an idol, right? But do we really believe it? I think I live my life still somewhat in sections. That I still have stuff in boxes, including God. More and more lately, I've given Him control of things. So I thought I was doing good...ha. God brought it to my attention, as He has so lovingly done more than once before, that my health is in a box unreachable to Him, because I've made it that way. I've decided that this is something I need to control, because I'm just sooo much better at it than the Creator of the universe! Yes, I know, pathetic, silly girl.

So, I'm not sure yesterday why it occurred to me to bring it up as a prayer request at my Bible study table, but I did. Which led to some interesting conversations with a couple of girls; one who knows me better than just about anybody else, and one who is getting to know me, and shares the same struggle. The latter considers herself a "food addict." I've always refused to label myself with those kinds of things. Why? I don't know! I guess I didn't want to be known as one of "those people." A person who doesn't admit those kinds of faults because of what people will think of me. Well....who cares?? I heard a very clear voice yesterday (in the bathroom- not kidding) that said "Are you willing to be obedient to Me, even if it were to mean there would be no benefits to you?" Benefits, in my book being losing weight and feeling better; basically being healthy. Gulp. Am I?

Well, according to my pastor, a non-decision is a decision. So, my lack of an answer means no. But I don't want to say no to God, so my decision is made. And the answer is a shaky, scared YES. Oh, boy.