Do most people even know who I am, really? Do I show the real me? Most of the time, I like to think that I do, but then comes one of those "help me understand" conversations (or messages) that reminds me when I do actually act like myself, it never turns out good. I've always offended somebody, typically somebody who thinks they know me well, yet have never actually taken the time to get to know the real me. Somebody who normally would not have any sort of deep conversation with me, ask how I'm doing and care enough to hear the real answer, or encourage me when I've done something well, or even if I didn't do it well, but I put a lot of effort into it. Somebody who consistently favors others, builds them up, brags on them even when completely undeserved. But not me. Talking to me is reserved for when I'm in trouble. It hurts. It tears up my heart. It makes me not want to risk having anyone ever get to know me. And it happens over and over again.
It is then I have to decide- react or respond? I've been thinking about this a lot lately; a family member has actually be instrumental in bringing this to my attention because of circumstances happening in his own life. He has chosen, as often as possible, and with God's help, to never react, but to respond. Two totally different things. Some say "we cannot control others actions; we can only control our reactions." Some truth, I think, but then again, sometimes we really don't do a great job at controlling our own reactions. So what if I stop reacting to people or circumstances, and choose instead to respond? What will my relationships look like then? Will it be easier to get along with others? And what will my response be like? I think, and hope, that if I take time to respond rather than quickly react, that my response will tend to be more like Jesus. Because in this endeavor, the point is to wait on Him to give me the response. When I react, I don't give Him time to speak to me.
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